Most couples are uncomfortable talking about sex and learning to
use dirty talk with your lover can be even more challenging.
There's a stigma in society that associates such language with
being a bad girl, a dirty man or sinful and shameful and these
messages get planted in our subconscious and are hard to overcome.
If we can get past these negative associations we'll discover that
our words have incredible seductive powers. Talking dirty can
increase passion, intensify pleasure and connect us to our lover
more deeply.If you associate dirty talk with something bad or
negative, try reframing it in your mind. Think of it as sexy talk,
naughty talk or erotic talk.
Even those who would like to engage in dirty talk may feel awkward
and unsure of what to say. Many people fear being rejected, looking
or sounding like a fool, being judged or offending their lover.
They feel vulnerable; it's kind of like giving your first speech in
speech class in the 8th grade. You fear sounding ridiculous and
being laughed at. These are all very natural and understandable
fears, but they can be overcome.
Here's a few important pointers to get you started on your dirty
talk.
Getting Started with Dirty Talk
- Understand that it takes time to learn good dirty talk. Be
patient and kind with yourself.
- Talk about it with your lover and establish ground rules for what
each of you is comfortable with. Support one another, make
suggestions for what you'd like to hear, encourage one another. No
ridiculing or criticizing.
- The most effective dirty talk will be a reciprocal interaction
between both partners. When one lover says something, then the
other lover responds back to them. As you alternate back and forth,
your words will stimulate more words and arousal will heighten.
- Practice out loud while you masturbate alone.
- Start out by having phone sex with your lover, that way you won't
feel so self-conscious.
- If you're unsure what to say, have your partner tell you what
they'd like to hear. Ask them to give you examples.
- If you're really shy and can't seem to muster up the courage then
write your dirty talk in a love note and leave it on your lover's
pillow, in their briefcase, taped on the mirror, etc.
The Basics of Dirty Talk
-Most of us are aware of and comfortable with the very basics. So
start out with these.
The ohs, ahs, and mmms. Increase their power a little by adding
just a couple words. "Oh yes, yes, that's it, "mmmm that feels so
great", "ahhh yes right there."
-How you say it is as important as what you say
When talking dirty, you want to use your sexy voice. You can
achieve this by lowering your voice like a whisper.
Use prolonged pronunciation and stretch out your syllables. Stress
the syllable at the end of the word. For example: "wet" would be
pronounced in a breathy wet-ah. "Yes" would be pronounced in a
breathy yesss.
Your sound should fade out slowly with your breath.
- Less is more
Use short sentences and brief phrases. Less words are more powerful.
Stay in the Present moment and Focus on These Things:
-what turns you on (It makes me so wet when you touch me like that)
-what you're feeling (My cock is getting so hard, my pussy is so hot)
-what do you want to happen (I want to make love, I want fucked)
-what do you want your partner to do (Suck me, lick me, finger me,
fuck me, make love with me)
-what do you want to do to your partner (I want to taste you, I
want to feel you inside me)
-what's happening to your body (erect penis, hard nipples, wet
pussy) etc.
- Timing is very important
If you're engaged in a very sensual, romantic moment, bursting out
with a "I want to fuck your eyes out" may ruin the mood. Make the
words match the mood.
If your engaged in sensual lovemaking then loving, sensual words
will be effective.
If your fucking like banchees, then a little more aggressive
language is called for.
- Be Yourself
Sound natural and authentic. This means that you should use
language that you would normally use. Although it can also be fun
to push yourself beyond your comfort level sometimes to explore
unknown territory.
Levels of Language
Their are many different levels of language that can be used and
it's important to know which level of language your lover is
comfortable with. The levels can range anywhere from the mild and
romantic to the explicitly vulgar. Here are 3 levels and some
examples of each.
"Sexy"
You're so beautiful.
You're so hot.
You're so sexy.
You feel so good.
Take me.
I want you.
"Hot"
I'm aching to feel you inside me.
Finger me.
Rock me.
Smack my ass.
My pussy is so wet and hot.
You're making me so hard.
Suck me.
"Naughty"
Fuck the hell out of me.
Pound my fucking ass.
Put your hot cunt on my face.
Take my hard cock in your mouth.
I need a good fuck.
I want to suck your cock.
Some people may want to hear "fuck the hell out of me", while
another person may want to hear, "drill me, pound me, do me, and
yet another person may want to hear "make tender passionate love to
me."
Or the same person may want to hear all those levels depending on
what kind of sex their in the mood for at that time. Depending on
the mood of the particular lovemaking session the level of language
in your dirty talk can vary.
When the action gets going pretty good, raise your voice a bit for
emphasis.
Good dirty talk will not only enhance your sexual pleasure, but it
will also strengthen your bonds with your lover, deepen intimacy,
build a stronger relationship, make partners feel desired, loved,
sexy and secure.
Many people are naturally more uncomfortable using dirty talk with
a new lover. Therefore, this is often a skill that will be easier
to learn with someone you have a relationship with and a certain
level of trust and comfort.
Additionally, men and women often have different preferences in
what type of dirty talk they enjoy.
If you're a woman, and need a little help in learning how to talk
dirty or how to use it your fullest advantage, there's a great
little guide called "The Ultimate Guide to Talking Dirty," that I
highly recommend you take a look at and watch your man become putty
in your hands in a matter of minutes.
use dirty talk with your lover can be even more challenging.
There's a stigma in society that associates such language with
being a bad girl, a dirty man or sinful and shameful and these
messages get planted in our subconscious and are hard to overcome.
If we can get past these negative associations we'll discover that
our words have incredible seductive powers. Talking dirty can
increase passion, intensify pleasure and connect us to our lover
more deeply.If you associate dirty talk with something bad or
negative, try reframing it in your mind. Think of it as sexy talk,
naughty talk or erotic talk.
Even those who would like to engage in dirty talk may feel awkward
and unsure of what to say. Many people fear being rejected, looking
or sounding like a fool, being judged or offending their lover.
They feel vulnerable; it's kind of like giving your first speech in
speech class in the 8th grade. You fear sounding ridiculous and
being laughed at. These are all very natural and understandable
fears, but they can be overcome.
Here's a few important pointers to get you started on your dirty
talk.
Getting Started with Dirty Talk
- Understand that it takes time to learn good dirty talk. Be
patient and kind with yourself.
- Talk about it with your lover and establish ground rules for what
each of you is comfortable with. Support one another, make
suggestions for what you'd like to hear, encourage one another. No
ridiculing or criticizing.
- The most effective dirty talk will be a reciprocal interaction
between both partners. When one lover says something, then the
other lover responds back to them. As you alternate back and forth,
your words will stimulate more words and arousal will heighten.
- Practice out loud while you masturbate alone.
- Start out by having phone sex with your lover, that way you won't
feel so self-conscious.
- If you're unsure what to say, have your partner tell you what
they'd like to hear. Ask them to give you examples.
- If you're really shy and can't seem to muster up the courage then
write your dirty talk in a love note and leave it on your lover's
pillow, in their briefcase, taped on the mirror, etc.
The Basics of Dirty Talk
-Most of us are aware of and comfortable with the very basics. So
start out with these.
The ohs, ahs, and mmms. Increase their power a little by adding
just a couple words. "Oh yes, yes, that's it, "mmmm that feels so
great", "ahhh yes right there."
-How you say it is as important as what you say
When talking dirty, you want to use your sexy voice. You can
achieve this by lowering your voice like a whisper.
Use prolonged pronunciation and stretch out your syllables. Stress
the syllable at the end of the word. For example: "wet" would be
pronounced in a breathy wet-ah. "Yes" would be pronounced in a
breathy yesss.
Your sound should fade out slowly with your breath.
- Less is more
Use short sentences and brief phrases. Less words are more powerful.
Stay in the Present moment and Focus on These Things:
-what turns you on (It makes me so wet when you touch me like that)
-what you're feeling (My cock is getting so hard, my pussy is so hot)
-what do you want to happen (I want to make love, I want fucked)
-what do you want your partner to do (Suck me, lick me, finger me,
fuck me, make love with me)
-what do you want to do to your partner (I want to taste you, I
want to feel you inside me)
-what's happening to your body (erect penis, hard nipples, wet
pussy) etc.
- Timing is very important
If you're engaged in a very sensual, romantic moment, bursting out
with a "I want to fuck your eyes out" may ruin the mood. Make the
words match the mood.
If your engaged in sensual lovemaking then loving, sensual words
will be effective.
If your fucking like banchees, then a little more aggressive
language is called for.
- Be Yourself
Sound natural and authentic. This means that you should use
language that you would normally use. Although it can also be fun
to push yourself beyond your comfort level sometimes to explore
unknown territory.
Levels of Language
Their are many different levels of language that can be used and
it's important to know which level of language your lover is
comfortable with. The levels can range anywhere from the mild and
romantic to the explicitly vulgar. Here are 3 levels and some
examples of each.
"Sexy"
You're so beautiful.
You're so hot.
You're so sexy.
You feel so good.
Take me.
I want you.
"Hot"
I'm aching to feel you inside me.
Finger me.
Rock me.
Smack my ass.
My pussy is so wet and hot.
You're making me so hard.
Suck me.
"Naughty"
Fuck the hell out of me.
Pound my fucking ass.
Put your hot cunt on my face.
Take my hard cock in your mouth.
I need a good fuck.
I want to suck your cock.
Some people may want to hear "fuck the hell out of me", while
another person may want to hear, "drill me, pound me, do me, and
yet another person may want to hear "make tender passionate love to
me."
Or the same person may want to hear all those levels depending on
what kind of sex their in the mood for at that time. Depending on
the mood of the particular lovemaking session the level of language
in your dirty talk can vary.
When the action gets going pretty good, raise your voice a bit for
emphasis.
Good dirty talk will not only enhance your sexual pleasure, but it
will also strengthen your bonds with your lover, deepen intimacy,
build a stronger relationship, make partners feel desired, loved,
sexy and secure.
Many people are naturally more uncomfortable using dirty talk with
a new lover. Therefore, this is often a skill that will be easier
to learn with someone you have a relationship with and a certain
level of trust and comfort.
Additionally, men and women often have different preferences in
what type of dirty talk they enjoy.
If you're a woman, and need a little help in learning how to talk
dirty or how to use it your fullest advantage, there's a great
little guide called "The Ultimate Guide to Talking Dirty," that I
highly recommend you take a look at and watch your man become putty
in your hands in a matter of minutes.